Cultivating Gratitude All Year Long

While this time of year usually gets us thinking about what we are thankful for, gratitude has long been a year-round focus in my life and my work. Experts agree that a focus on gratitude can have a positive effect on your attitude, your health and happiness, and your work. A recent article from Harvard Medical School noted "Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice."

"'Grows stronger with use and practice"….which is one of a few reasons gratitude was a big focus in my work at camps. Helping youth and teens learn to cultivate gratitude develops a skill and a mindset that will benefit them throughout their lives.

Practicing gratitude isn’t just important for kids, though. After completing a #365Grateful project – taking and sharing a photo of something I was grateful for each day for a full year – I noticed that my focus shifted. While I would describe myself as a positive person in general, increasing my focus on gratitude really benefitted me, especially during difficult times. While I was on this journey my mother-in-law, Bev, passed away from pancreatic cancer – one of 13 friends and family I’ve lot to cancer. It was devastating to watch her go through this, and painful to watch my husband experience this tremendous loss. During her final days and after her passing, which were some of the most difficult days we’ve ever experienced, it really helped me to ‘have to’ find something to be grateful for. There was an unexpected peace and beauty in finding gratitude in the midst of such sadness and grief. Having that experience, I now know gratitude is something I can rely on in the darkest of times, and that has been a tremendous gift.

Speaking of challenging times, the past couple of years have certainly been no walk in the park! If we agree on nothing else, I think we can agree the pandemic created sudden, radical change disrupting much of our lives and routines. Many experienced fear or loss. There’s been confusion and disagreement. It’s been really hard! It is so easy to get caught up in the challenges, the inconveniences, the things that make me scared or the things that make me angry over the past 2 years. But when I look with grateful eyes, I’m able to see so many things that changed for the better.

Among the things I’m grateful for from these COVID times:

• Streamlined processes online! Whether it was signing up for a new dentist or purchasing property, suddenly nearly all the things that used to require in-person signatures are now able to be completed and signed online.

• More outdoor dining! We’ve always preferred to eat outdoors and now so many restaurants offer it.

• Curbside pickup! If I never have to struggle through Home Depot not able to find anything again, that in and of itself is a huge life improvement! No slam on Home Depot, its just so big and overwhelming and takes me forever to find what I’m looking for. Now there, and so many other places, we can order ahead and have it brought to our car curbside or just go in and pick up the complete order.

• Working from home – which means more time with my dog! (oh, and my husband) While at the time COVID hit I was living at the camp where I worked, I had been doing some remote work back and forth from California part of the time. This wasn’t always widely accepted early on, but with the pandemic we’ve become much more comfortable with folks working from home. If it leads to better productivity, fewer cars on the road and better life balance, why not?!

• Zoom Happy Hours! Zoom wasn’t new to me, it was already part of my work, but I was grateful to see it so well embraced by folks once most of us were sheltering safe at home. It’s such an easy platform to use and again, a great way to cut down on cars on the road and hours of commute to meetings. One of the advents from the pandemic I’m most grateful for, though, were Zoom Happy Hours. We started “gathering” online with friends from all over. I’m not sure why we hadn’t thought of this before, but it was genius! Now we could spend a Friday or Saturday (or Wednesday or any night we liked) enjoying adult beverages with friends and catching up regardless of distance and without having to worry about who had to be the designated driver.

While I would never wish for a pandemic, and truly wish we'd never had to experience this one, there are still many things that came out of it that I am grateful for.

What are you grateful for that came out of the pandemic?

Please understand one important note. I do believe that gratitude can be a significant help during challenging times. That’s not to say, though, that it eliminates challenges, sadness, anger or grief. I am not saying that when something bad or sad happens you should just focus on gratitude and get over it. We will all face unbelievably challenging times and need to let ourselves experience whatever emotions arise in those moments. What I have found, and more importantly what my hope is for you, is that during those times you’ll be able to find some sparks of gratitude that bring you peace and perhaps sooner in those moments than you would have before you were cultivating gratitude.

So, how do you cultivate gratitude? Here are just a few ideas:

• Before or during dinner, invite everyone share something from the day they are grateful for. For younger kiddos, who might not understand the big word "gratitude", you can start with asking them to share something that made them happy today. I say ‘invite’ because we don’t want to force it. Not everyone is comfortable sharing in front of the group and it might take some getting used to. Let folks know it’s not mandatory. If you continue it as a practice, people will become more comfortable with it and will also perhaps pay more attention during the day to things that bring them joy.

• Participate in your own #365Grateful project. Each day capture a photo of something you are grateful for and post it on your social media. Who knows, you may inspire someone else to do the same.

• At the conclusion of a special event, excursion or vacation, ask everyone in your group to share their highlight. Again, give folks the option to pass, but this can be a really fun tradition. Also, when we reflect on experiences and share them, it helps cement them better in our minds and memories. If you have seen the Pixar film “Inside Out” - it helps them become part of our ‘core memories’.

• Start a bedtime gratitude ritual. Each night as you're tucking kids into bed, ask them to share something they are grateful for that day. Increase to 2 or 3 things once they get the hang of it. No kids? No problem! Take time to reflect or journal about 1, 2 or 3 things you are grateful for from the day. Journaling is a great way to reflect on gratitude.

• Put a dry erase board on the fridge or some other central place and use it for you and others to jot down thanks and gratitude.

What other ideas do you have or have you tried to focus on gratitude? Comment below, or send me an email, I’d love to hear about them!

Looking for a little more data and ideas? The folks at positivepsychology.com also shared a great article on the neuroscience of gratitude and its effect on anxiety and grief. They have a number of other articles on the topic on their site as well.

As we head into the season of gratitude, I invite you to take your grateful heart beyond the holidays! If you’re into New Year’s resolutions, maybe this could be this year’s. Whether focusing on it for yourself, with family or with a group of friends, I’d love to hear how your gratitude journey unfolds! Feel free to email me updates, questions, roadblocks and successes!